510 , disgrace

It's 7.40am . I'm awake . Couldn't sleep , I'm afraid , afraid of what's gonna hit me next . Experiencing slow death now . I thought he'll persist . "hey baby , let's meet" no . I plucked my courage from the mids of the quarrel and told him I miss him . And all he could say was "that's cool . Lol" . So many times I tried to give up . But i held on , cause I love you . And i never want to regret . But you made me feel like a fool . A total fool . Your friends don't like me . And I'm a disgrace to you . Right ? Hah ,

It hurts me to know you're not having difficulties when I'm not with you . you can still meet your friends , play your games . Like normal life . So it doesn't matter much if I'm there or not uh ..? I'm dying here without you . Im sorry , but out of 3 days of weekend , and you choose to meet me once . It's not enough . Few hours out of 3 days . Its not enough also .

I feel unimportant , I feel useless . You never flaunt me , it just feels like imma disgrace to you . You always said I'm important , then make me feel it . You said you were angry with me for my words . What words , did it hurt you cause i talked about her ? Or my words hurt you ?! So you think it doesnt hurt me to type out all that . Really ? You make the tries now . im just gonna wait .

509 , unseen

I admit , it's so damn bloody hard for me . One full day without messaging you , it's damn hard for me . But it's super easy for you ..? I hope you'll know how I feel , how much effort I place in this relationship . Im not asking anything much . I just want you . That's all , you , and your love . I'm not selfish am i ? I'm just like an ordinary girlf . But I guess you won't know .

I miss you .
I miss you calling me silly .
I miss you calling me nicknames .
I miss you calling me baby .
I miss you calling me dear .
I miss you hugging me .
I miss you saying you love me .
I miss you lying on my shoulders .
I miss you and your silliness .
I miss you and your words .
I miss you , everything about you .
I miss you , so much .

I held back my tears for 24 hours , held back my sadness . I wore a mask , and I can't take it anymore . Do you know Every single time , I read a message from you and it consist whatever I've written up there . I'd smile , like an idiot . Everywhere ...

"how are you baby ? I miss you ." just this simple sentence , is enough for me to break down in tears and forgive you . Or just "hi baby" ...

"how was your day?" , "did you have fun?" , "have you eaten your fill?" , "want to meet me?" . Simple carin messages would definitely brighten up my day .. It would . Or maybe "smile silly , I want to see your smile" or just some surprises . Idk . That's what I liked . What about you ?

Everytime my phone rings , and its not your name . I die a lil ... I miss you ... :'( I love you . Please don't leave me .. :'(

It's Friday , I'll be at your house by now . But you're already home . Was wishing for your text "baby where're you , let's go home" but no ... I wish , I wish I wish , it'll be true ...

508 , you said

Family you say , family .
Family would love each other equally and respect each other . Family will understand each other .
Do you love me as must as them two ? You told me if I want you to respect me , I have to respect you first . Ain't I respecting you ? Yet you don't . Everytime you can't make it to fetch bro from tuition on weekdays , you'll ask me to . And when I say I can't , you say "your sist is home all day she's very tired" the fuck is this shxt ? Home all say and tired ?? Then what about me . Then again , when I'm home and sist is out , you'll say "your sist went out the whole day and she's very tired" OH , SO THE PERSON IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE THAT IS NOT TIRED IS ME LAH ? -.- you'll be saying you never did all these .

Forgetting to eat the cake . My fault .
Forgetting to drink the herbal tea . My fault .
Having 7 projects . My fault .
Telling you I have 7 projects . My fault .
Never replying immediately . My fault
Opening blogshop to earn extra bucks . My fault .
Stressed out . My fault .
Everything . My fault ..

It's always going to be my fault , cause you're the mother . And I'm just the "pick from the rubbish bin" kid , the troublemaker , the useless kid , the devil kid , the one you never want the most ...

Full of Agony today , yet I've to put on a smile and pretend everything's okay .

507 , sometimes

Disappointment often comes from whoever you love the most . Be it your family , your half or your friends . Everyone's gonna disappoint you . The bus driver , the taxi driver , the pedestrian , the commuters . Everyone . Why waste your time and energy getting upset ? Because you care . And I care so much for you . And in return I suffered , why ? Am I wrong somewhere ? Am I not working hard enough ? I miss those times when we can smile easily without worries and all these shxt and nonsense . I wish you knew how I feel , from the past and now , but you didn't . Guess I'm not someone you'll spend your time and energy on . Right ? Maybe , maybe I'm just not special enough . Maybe I'm just too useless . Getting angry , upset over minors .

I listened to every word you say , and I wanted so much to make you proud . But I failed , again and again . Really , I'm really really worn ...

506 , the world is round

I'm not trying anymore , its hurting me too much to actually try already . You 5 girls have been ignoring me . talking back behind me . talking without me . leaving class without me . eating lunch without me . I'm sick of sticking around you people when I'm being treated like this .

You all are unwilling to group with me in a project . You all gave me looks i never deserved . I've have no freaking idea what the hell is wrong with you . So yea , school starts and you're ignoring me already ? Cool , we still have 1.5years to go on . We'll wait and see . We'll see how karma comes okay ?

And you , Best friend  ? BFFL we claimed ? Look what now ? W . O . W you can tweet about your friend being so cute , happy one year anni to your boyf . but not happy birthday to me ? WOW . good job , look here babe , without me i doubt you'll ever find this fucking boyfriend of yours please . Think about it ,

505 , million in two

so many things to do , so little time . projects piled up one by one now since the semester is ending soon , like maybe a month plus ? and i still have yet to start on the projects . I should stop procrastinating . been stopping my covers making . and now im still settling my blogshop stuff . i think i meant to wear myself out . how dumb can i be . but seriously baby is damn sweet and understanding :') how awesome can he be ? HEHE ! ^^ besides that he seriously needdddsss to start focusing more on his project first before games . stubborn brinjal .

anyway , our 11th monthsary passed without bot of us knowing ! HAHA ! damn funny how we both realised it just now . but its okay :) we spend that day together also ^^ TEEHEE ! :D time pass , 11 months is not long , and its not short thou . but the times we spend together , the memories we had together is Splendid ^^ 

talking about spending time also , i've met this girls for around 9 months only , and we can practically talk about everything in the world . its how funny we dont have to say much to know each other . really ? awesome right ? i know i am , Joweeeeee ! HAHAH ! :D we need to take more photos like srsly please ! :( HEH ! you know i love you . 24 hours here for you . one phone call okay ? :D having headache so easily recently :( OHYEAAA , changed my blogskin BG and main header ^^ so pretty :* gonna stop nagging now ~~(^o^)   ~(^o^)~    (^o^)~~

withlovez

504 , 18th birthday :)

So basically , july have already started . and my beloved 18th birthday have just past by a few days .
Had normal school routines , went to bank with mum first thing on y 18th . then headed down to baby's crib . he personally whip up a meal for me :) HEHE ! its actually just baked rice and soup . so sweet of him ! and yea ! he gave me this ultra big winne the pooh ! WOOO ! happy me ^^ ended the day well at nando's :D

went for family dinner 1pm @ modesto's with mummy , sister , brother and baby . watched the dictator at 430 . meantime while walking around , bought nail polish and saw BBG ^^ hehe ! hugged in the crowded streets please ~~ school resumed and it wasn't that well anyway . LOL ! its school yea , projects , assignment , quizzes . received few gifts ,

1) winnit screen protector , kimmi doll & camera keychain from sist
2) goldheart necklace from baby's mum
3) big winnie and river island jacket from baby
4) necklace from celina
5) chocolate from eunice , eileen and tessa
6) tiffany & co's necklace from bbg
7) body shop foam from riyu and colton :D

Finally collected my churpchurp giveaway from miaoru that time :D happy me ^^ HEHEH ! :D i think im done with the post . now for some pictures ! :D
Oh ! tuesday's buffet with bbg , denny and riyu was scary ! but it was damn fun ! HAHAH ! :D sick buffet again ah ! :D

My cutest boyf (L)

Tuesday's sick buffet :3

presiies (L)