Always having a fear that someone would leave me . Don't you feel upset walking pass people you knew , you spoke to and have fun with , and never talk ? those sinking feelings ? Have you had anyone who left your side , and you begged for their return ? but never told them ? i guess i did . i miss my grandparents . i leave to cherish my family members more after each funeral .. To be honest , i never like th way my mum treated me . i'll be very very honest in this post , i never want to type it out loud cause it might hurt her , cause i love her . but if she doesn't read this one day , she won't understand how i feel ..
im sorry for all those times i threw my temper at you , those times i was damn low . im sorry , but mum you have to know im the middle child , i wished i had more love from you mum .. im still me , all those habits , character and attitude . i am changing , but im still me . but still at the end of the day , you cant see my change . its upsetting when you told people i won't change , it hurts to see that you dont "trust" me anymore . Have you realise you've never been speaking your heart out to me ? you've only spoken to sist and bro , who am i to you ? ain't i your lil girl too ? th one that made you proud when i was young ? Or did i not ? you've always said you'll love me more since im th middle child , but mum , i dont see th change in you either . it breaks my heart to be typing this out , im crying while im typing . i hope you'll understand me and what i am doing/saying . i've been home late cause of CCN , im not lying or whatsoever . sometimes you dont decipher my words well . and you thought i was being mean , to you , to sist or to bro . but if you could see , mst of th times i was just joking . remember there was once you and sist told me off saying he's my only brother ? and i should treat him better ? i did , i bought food back for him . and you remember what came next ? you reprimanded me . What have i done wrong ? What were you thinking ? you couldn't understand me , so couldn't i . is it fair now ? i brew a slight tension with daddy that day after we reached home from M'sia , do you know how much it hurts me to speak back to him just so he wont say anything hurtful to you ? just so i wouldn't have to see you cry , wouldn't have to see you drowning in your sorrows , i was devastated . i cried , and my eyes swell as usual . remember that day B broke up with me just days before olevel , you were worried sick . and i was so guilty . i dont know what else i can do to make it up to you . please mum , just some basic understanding i hope i can get from you , I love you (L)
Shall head off now , having two quizzes tomorrow .
Withlovez ,
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